Can we be friends?

Continuing to think about our propensity for cutting off relationships with those who disagree and choosing to stay in relationship with those who support our point of view. And I continue to be convinced this is not the way of Christ.

On the way out of worship Sunday morning, one of my parishioners was clearly very concerned about the decision about to be made at General Conference. “I’m so worried about the church,” she shared with me. “I just hope we don’t go down the wrong path.” I told her that one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that, no matter what happens at General Conference, she and I will still be sister and brother in Christ.

Did I mention she supports a different plan than I do?

One of the members of our delegation from East Ohio and one of my dear friends, Scott, had to make the decision last week that he cannot go to General Conference. Scott has been plagued by multiple health issues since last spring, and despite his best efforts, his body will simply not allow him to endure the rigors of the General Conference schedule. I know this was an especially agonizing decision for Scott, because he is a passionate guy who is passionate about Christ and his church. It’s no secret that Scott stands in a pretty traditional position, and I expect he would have voted strongly for the UMC to maintain its current position when it comes to human sexuality. Scott also knows that by stepping down, the first alternate steps in, and she will vote very differently than he would have.

Scott and I spoke today by phone. I called to check on him, to express my concern for him, to see if there is anything I or my family can do to support him and his family. My heart breaks for Scott, because I know how much this means to him, how badly he wants to be there to faithfully do what he believes is best, even though we disagree. Our differences did not disappear in the course of our conversation. I know full well that Scott’s absence means one more vote for the One Church Plan, one less vote for the Traditionalist Plan. But I wouldn’t have that at the expense of Scott’s well-being. And I believe, no matter what, that we can still accomplish much for the mission of Christ…together. At the end of our conversation, Scott and I reminded each other, “I love you.” And we meant it.

Let’s assume that we do what most non-compatibilists think we should do and we divide the church – either into three separate paths under one umbrella or with only the prevailing faction staying and others leaving. What then? Maybe we will be able to say more boldly what we think. Maybe we will feel more justified in our position. On some issues, we may even be able to accomplish some things more easily. But will the world change because of it? Will the people in the world we disagree with just disappear? I fear all we will have accomplished is to further insulate ourselves while blissfully ignoring the reality that others in the world still exist. Do we think we don’t need anyone else? Who will make the decisions that affect all of us then? The majority? The loudest? The most extreme?

I understand that separating does not mean that we have to stop loving each other. But reading some of the words of those in various positions, particularly but not exclusively from outside lobbying groups, it appears we are unclear about that. Judging by the direction we are headed in society, it doesn’t appear that we are inclined to demonstrate love, much less grace, to those who disagree.

Are we stronger together or separate? It depends how we measure strength. But one thing is certain: neither our differences nor our detractors will disappear, no matter what is decided in St. Louis.